Speaking for the Death Ensemble staff (98.6% of which is me), I wish you a Happy New Year. As we ring out 2011 and invite in 2012, a few do’s and don’ts for the evening:
- Don’t drink and drive- You’re likely to run somebody over and murder him. Even if you don’t end up in jail—which you rightfully should—he’ll keep showing up attached to your bumper, repeating, “Thanks for the ride, lady!” Even if you’re a dude.
- Don’t drink/use drugs to excess and end up having sex- Haven’t you ever seen an 80s slasher? Come on, get with the program!
- Don’t try to kill someone once an hour, for each US time zone’s midnight- Dear God, you’ll end up in a bad New Year’s Eve horror movie with the chick who played Pinky Tuscadero on Happy Days!
- Do find a safe ride home if you drink to excess- Hey, it saved Stu Charno in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART II.
- Do remain a virgin until sunlight, if you happen to be one- Hey, it worked for Laurie Strode in HALLOWEEN.
- Do remember if you’re on a train with David Copperfield... Well, he may or may not be the serial killer who keeps switching masks. You need to watch TERROR TRAIN to find out. But keep an eye on him, just to be safe. Anybody who can make the freaking Statue of Liberty disappear can’t be trusted.
- Do enjoy a happy and healthy New Year- We all love horror, otherwise we wouldn’t be visiting Death Ensemble. But we all deserve the best, brightest and happiest 2012 we can get. Much love, folks. And let’s hope for a better crop of horror flicks in the New Year. Because that THING remake/prequel nonsense really sucked.
Be cool,
Death Ensemble Editor-in-Chief, Phil Fasso
